When I think about the greatest blessings in my life, certainly my mom is at the top of my list. I often wonder where I would be without her sacrifices, without her nurture, without her instruction, without her wisdom, without her persistent prayers. In retrospect, I find myself wondering how she managed to be all that I needed her to be; well, actually, all that we needed her to be. There were six (including Dad) of us pulling on her, tugging her this way and that, committing her to our agendas, and never once do I remember her acting exhausted, having a mental breakdown, or complaining that enough was enough.
Yet she was the last to bed every night and the first to rise every morning. She ensured we started the day with a warm breakfast, clean clothes, completed homework, and packed lunches. Somehow, she managed to have dinner on the table when Dad came home from work after she had taxied us around all afternoon. She served as team mom, room mom, Brownie leader, Missionette leader, Sunday school teacher, last minute costume maker, and filled at least a dozen other volunteer positions.
I don't think it any coincidence that her name means "God is gracious." Grace is freely given, unmerited favor -- it's when we receive things that we don't deserve. That is who my mom is. She is a gift that I did nothing to deserve; and I am so thankful that despite my being me, God is gracious and He gave me a mom who reminds me how good grace truly is.
Oh, and today is my birthday... So thanks, Mom for the last 44 years of sacrifices. Thanks for choosing life for me and the four other ones too. This is birthday 44, right?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The Beauty of the Light
A few days ago as I was meditating on thankfulness, I received some heartbreaking news that jolted my thought pattern and made me look at people, situations, circumstances, and the blessings in my life a little differently. I am thankful for my family and my friends, every one of them; but if tomorrow I woke up and they were all gone, would I still have a reason to be thankful? I am thankful for my job, for a place to call home, for food in the fridge, for money in the bank, for clothes in my closet, for transportation that gets me where I want to go; but if tomorrow I woke up and it was all gone, would I still have a reason to be thankful?
I remember facing the reality of losing my dad and making the decision to walk away from a job that I loved, to relocate and be with Mom. I lived a year without a regular paycheck. Life was tough; and honestly, for a season, I was frustrated with God, so frustrated that I sat like a tightfisted Jonah in the corner with my arms crossed, refusing to have a real conversation with Him.
Then one day, I sat in a church service, and the worship team began singing, “How Great is our God.” Certainly, I paid my lip service and sang along. I dare not let anyone else see the inner battle I had waged. As I sang the words about His greatness, my mind was thinking, “Yeah, right, if He is so great, then why…” My thoughts yielded to the words upon my lips: “He wraps Himself in light, and darkness tries to hide; it trembles at His voice…” It was that moment that something broke loose. Uninhibited by those around me, my arms were outstretched and my singing turned to sobs. Despite my situation, I was free to worship the beauty of a great God. No longer would I begrudgingly hold onto the praise that was due Him. My situation hadn't changed, but my heart had.
Having a heart of gratitude isn’t so difficult when blessings are obvious, when the pantry is full, when the car is running, when the bank account is in the black, when our loved ones are healthy, when life is good. The question is: can we find the beauty of thanksgiving when we are rolling pennies to pay the bills, when the heater and hot water heater are out and the temperature is below freezing, when the car is in the shop again, when our spouse has left, our child is suffering, or our loved one has passed away?
And the answer: He is. He is the beauty of thanksgiving. He is the beauty in the bird that finds food in the dirtiest of parking lots. He is the beauty in the autumn leaves as they change color. He is the beauty in the sunrise and the sunset that never lose their uniqueness. He is the beauty in the giggles of little girls. He is the beauty in the excitement of little boys. He is the beauty in the eyes of an old woman. He is the beauty in the laughter of an old man. He is the beauty in the river stones. He is the beauty in the melody. He is the beauty in the hug of a treasured friend. He is the beauty in the smile of a stranger. He is the beauty of the Light.
Today, regardless of what/who we have lost, we know He is the Light in the darkest of moments. When devastation surrounds us, we can look for the Beauty. He is always there. I saw Him a moment ago in the cool autumn breeze.
I remember facing the reality of losing my dad and making the decision to walk away from a job that I loved, to relocate and be with Mom. I lived a year without a regular paycheck. Life was tough; and honestly, for a season, I was frustrated with God, so frustrated that I sat like a tightfisted Jonah in the corner with my arms crossed, refusing to have a real conversation with Him.
Then one day, I sat in a church service, and the worship team began singing, “How Great is our God.” Certainly, I paid my lip service and sang along. I dare not let anyone else see the inner battle I had waged. As I sang the words about His greatness, my mind was thinking, “Yeah, right, if He is so great, then why…” My thoughts yielded to the words upon my lips: “He wraps Himself in light, and darkness tries to hide; it trembles at His voice…” It was that moment that something broke loose. Uninhibited by those around me, my arms were outstretched and my singing turned to sobs. Despite my situation, I was free to worship the beauty of a great God. No longer would I begrudgingly hold onto the praise that was due Him. My situation hadn't changed, but my heart had.
Having a heart of gratitude isn’t so difficult when blessings are obvious, when the pantry is full, when the car is running, when the bank account is in the black, when our loved ones are healthy, when life is good. The question is: can we find the beauty of thanksgiving when we are rolling pennies to pay the bills, when the heater and hot water heater are out and the temperature is below freezing, when the car is in the shop again, when our spouse has left, our child is suffering, or our loved one has passed away?
And the answer: He is. He is the beauty of thanksgiving. He is the beauty in the bird that finds food in the dirtiest of parking lots. He is the beauty in the autumn leaves as they change color. He is the beauty in the sunrise and the sunset that never lose their uniqueness. He is the beauty in the giggles of little girls. He is the beauty in the excitement of little boys. He is the beauty in the eyes of an old woman. He is the beauty in the laughter of an old man. He is the beauty in the river stones. He is the beauty in the melody. He is the beauty in the hug of a treasured friend. He is the beauty in the smile of a stranger. He is the beauty of the Light.
Today, regardless of what/who we have lost, we know He is the Light in the darkest of moments. When devastation surrounds us, we can look for the Beauty. He is always there. I saw Him a moment ago in the cool autumn breeze.
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