Death by Sprained Ankle

A few days ago, I stepped off the porch at work and twisted my ankle. Anyone who has spent any real time with me will know this is nothing out of the ordinary, but any time a girl of my age and size takes a fall, there could be some serious injury. I have put off going to the doctor until our shift ends (which is today at noon), but yesterday the swelling, bruising and pain was almost unbearable...... then late in the evening, along the top of my foot it started turning pink and felt feverish. My darling husband who had mentioned gangrene setting in several times decided this would be the perfect time to restate his suspicions and mention amputation again. So in the middle of the night, when I awakened feeling feverish with chills, I began to fear the worst. Then, I thought maybe I wasn't feverish, that my imagination was just running wild, but the pain seemed to be terrible and the swelling felt worse, so then I lay there, wondering if I had a blood clot and this would be my last night to live... I was almost positive I felt the clot travel to my lungs, so I took one long breath, prayed a "forgive me" followed by a "thanksgiving" prayer, and waited to stop breathing. When it didn't seem to cause my breathing to stop, I felt the clot travel to my heart and experienced this intense burning and pain in my chest. Again, I waited for my departure from this world. The pain in my chest subsided, and I was confident I heard a gurgling sound and felt the clot moving through my body toward my brain. When I felt a tingly feeling in my brain, I moved my hands and feet to make sure I was still alive and even smiled and felt to make sure both sides of my face worked. Alas, my face was smiling, and I realized how my fears had robbed me of an hour and forty-seven minutes of rest. Then I thought about the man snoring next to me who planted that first fearful thought into my head, knowing that I have an imagination that is endless, and I thought about how I restrained myself from disturbing his slumber because he has had so little rest this week. It is then that I realized how terribly selfless I am and how I deserve to be pampered during this "could be deadly" injury. I will be milking this injury as long as I can.