Choosing to Love (But it is totally NOT what I want to do)

I'm just going to be real. There are moments when I wish I could just take my Christianity off, set it to the side, and fight, fight dirty and ugly and not feel a twinge of guilt about it. I would do it all for the sake of defending someone I love, so instead of guilt, I would feel this sense of righteous indignation, a sense of loyalty and pride. I find it so easy to take on the offenses of others, especially those who won't fight for themselves. I am confident that I would be fabulous at fighting dirty because I think the meanest of thoughts and have the sharpest of tongues.

Honestly, sometimes, walking under the banner of Christianity is just so terribly difficult. Walking in love when I just want so badly to be unkind and hurtful feels like torture. Love is a struggle for me. It is sometimes impossible for me to hold my tongue, extinguish my opinion, and turn the other cheek, especially when it isn't my cheek that's being slapped, but the cheek of someone I love. I want to be like Peter, draw my sword and start swinging it. If I slice off an ear, so be it. I'm certainly not going to pick it up and re-attach it. And pray for those that hurt me or hurt the ones I love? Are you kidding me? Uh, no. That is not what I want to do... Well, pray for their destruction maybe.

But every time I think I might just break out and do it, I'm faced with the reality of who I am and who He's called me to be -- a peacemaker, a minister of hope and goodness, kind and gentle with patience, happiness, and joy, not easily offended, not an offender, and not someone who takes on the offenses of others, regardless of how much I love the one who is wounded. He's called me to love. Love my enemies, love the ones who spitefully use me, love the ones who hate me, and yes, even love those who hurt my friends and my family.

Then I remember why He's called us to walk in love. If for no other reason, that He would be glorified is reason enough. Oh that others will see love, authentic love, in me. If it means I bite my tongue until it bleeds and turn my cheek when it's stinging with pain; if it means I respond with kindness when what I really want to do is kick them in their shins, then I will choose to walk in love so that they can see a glimpse of Him. 

I just wish it wasn't such a difficult task.

John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

Luke 6:27-28 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.

1 Corinthians 13